Gift rapt

DARE we mention Christmas yet? Interesting point from Ian Hutcheson in Broomhill who tells us: "Although the world is changing rapidly, the rate of social change can be glacial. Overheard conversation at a local sports club. First member, 'So are you gearing up for Christmas?' Second member, 'Ah no. I leave that to the wife. See when the kids open their presents, I'm as surprised as they are."

Beggars belief

TALKING about wives, a Lenzie reader opines: "It used to be when my wife asked me a question and I answered it, then that was that. Now when I answer a question, there is a pause, and then she says, 'I'll check on Google'."

Reality bites

FOLK are still talking about Labour MSP Kezia Dugdale going on a reality show in Australia, and whether she should be disciplined by the party. As fellow Labour MSP Monica Lennon cheekily commented: "All Scottish Labour passports were handed over to the new party leader at a summit in Rutherglen today."

From Brexit to exit

WE are still keeping an eye on Brexit, and many folk are pointing out that Brexit negotiator David Davis falling off the platform at a press conference yesterday was a metaphor for the negotiations with EU leaders. Jason Sinclair clarifies it for us by stating: "Actually, the full Brexit metaphor would be David Davis stumbling off stage onto a rocket-powered skateboard that launches him onto a fraying tightrope over a canyon that gives way for him to land on a giant cactus before an anvil falls on his head."

On the ball

A LOT of readers are reminiscing about BB fitba'. Typical is entertainer Andy Cameron who says: "As a hard-tackling hamperboy in the 189th BB side of 1952, I was called to duty when we were short of a goalkeeper and about to face the 201st who hadn't lost a match since Sir William Smith issued wooden rifles in 1883. We were slightly behind going into the second half, losing 9-0, and as the tenth flashed past me, a helpful teammate shouted, 'Try falling on it!' Don't know what the final score was – arithmetic wasn't my strong point either."

Citz blitz

OUR arts correspondent Phil Miller revealed that Glasgow's great Citizens Theatre will be closed for two years for major renovations. It reminds me of when I went on a backstage tour of the Citz and volunteer guide John McIlwee told me that the original theatre, Her Majesty's, also closed for two years in 1878 when a performing elephant got tangled in the stage ropes, panicked, reared up, and the audience fled with a riot ensuing and the theatre closed. Then John added: "Or it may simply have gone bust. But being the theatrical people they are, everyone at The Citz prefers the elephant story."

Shown the red card

THE misuse of the 999 emergency number is a growing problem. The control room of Essex Police went on social media this week to tell folk: "Ringing 999 because West Ham United have lost again and you aren't sure what to do, is not acceptable! It is a complete waste of our time."