If the shoe fits

AH yes, teenagers. A Bearsden reader foolishly remarked to his daughter that the shoes she was wearing to her office Christmas party had perhaps too high a heel for ease of walking and she would be better off in sensible shoes. She sighed and replied: "Do you know what watching Cinderella has taught me?"

After shaking his head, he was told: "That if she'd been wearing sensible shoes she'd still be scrubbing floors."

Unanswered questions

WE asked what questions to ask Alexa on the Amazon Echo, and John Mulholland suggests: "Alexa, will Nicola Sturgeon ever accept a ‘No’ vote in a Scottish independence referendum?"

And: " Alexa, when will Rangers win the Treble?"

Staff carpeted

ALREADY some folk have finished up for Christmas, leaving those still in their offices winding down. As one Glasgow reader remarked: "Not saying it's quiet in the office, but we've just spent 10 minutes discussing the office carpet."

Rings a bell

A SEASONAL observation from a Newton Mearns reader who passes on: "A warning to all you living in the South Side of Glasgow -be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people.

"Last night I was out, and one thing led to another. I had a few too many beers and then went onto the whisky. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car in the Waterloo Street car park and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a polis roadblock at the M77 slip road where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on a bus they just waved it past.

"I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from."

The heat is on

AND a seasonal question from a reader who emails: "Why do pigs need blankets when they're being cooked at 180 degrees? It just doesn't make sense."

It's a wrap

TODAY'S seasonal daftness comes from a Stirling reader who tells us: "The downside of being a bomb disposal technician is that

it takes me until New Year's Day to open my Christmas presents."

Blowing in wind

THE latest weather warning is about the approach of Storm Dylan which could bring high winds and snow to Britain by Christmas Day. John Neil wonders about the name Dylan, and being a fan of Bob, remarks: "Everyone knows that 'you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows'."

Jack being patient

DAVE Stewart bumps into former Herald columnist Jack McLean, still wearing his fedora, at the new Queen Elizabeth Hospital where Jack is hesitating at a glass-sided walkway as it is playing havoc with his vertigo. As Jack gripped the handrail and looked down, he told Dave: "Not even Julie Christie in suspenders would get me across this."

So that answers two questions we are frequently asked - yes, Jack McLean is still out and about, and yes, he is still as sexist as ever.

Thinks he's Archie

WHICH brings us to a recent series of stories about older men who still think they can chat up younger women. Lewis Macsween in Glasgow tells us: "I witnessed a lady in the street shouting at her dog, 'Archie, stop it!'. A passing elderly gentleman asked her, 'How did you know my name was Archie?'"