A hard sell

OUR tales of what Brexiteers want to bring back as well as blue passports included the suggestion of hard toilet paper. It reminded Ronnie McLean: "Back in the sixties, a candidate for election to Glasgow University Men's Union Board had a single issue manifesto - soft toilet paper.

"His campaign literature bore the slogan 'Cos Izal chaffs ye!'. He was successful and remains, in my experience, the only electoral candidate who implemented his entire manifesto pledge."

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Giving it large

WE allow the occasional sweet story to appear. A reader in Mosspark in Glasgow had set her young daughter the task of writing thank you letters for her Christmas presents. She noticed that the one her daughter was writing to her grandmother was in extremely large writing and when she asked why, the little girl said: "Grannie can't hear very well, so I'm writing very loudly."

Finger on it

SO Donald Trump is at it again, winding up the leader of North Korea. As Bruce Skivington warns: "Let's hope Trump doesn't get his Twitter send button mixed up with his nuclear button."

Cross words

A SCOT who works for a large charity swears to us that when she applied for a job in the charity sector, she had put in her CV that she had done some voluntary work with the Red Cross. She doesn't know whether the person interviewing her was making a joke when he told her: "Well that's a huge plus."

Fly guy

MEANWHIE in British politics, Transport Minister Chris Grayling has been criticised for popping over to Qatar instead of being back home to face questions about yet another round of rail fare increases. As actor David Schneider commented: "Don’t be too harsh on Chris Grayling heading to Qatar, as the trip is actually now cheaper than a single from London to Brighton."

Not devine

SOMEHOW we drifted into tales of Sydney Devine's singing abilities. Retired cop Alan Barlow in Paisley tells us: "During my time in the CID in the early seventies we had a spate of car break-ins where eight-track players were stolen. Surprisingly nobody ever reported the loss of their Sydney Devine tapes."

Bin there

WEATHER still a bit dodgy these days as we move from Storm Dylan to Storm Eleanor. A reader in London emails us: "If the first thing you worry about during a storm isn't your wheelie bin, are you even British?"

Home alone

TRYING to cut down on your spending just now? As Ian Power laments: "I thought drinking at home was saving me money until I calculated the cost of all the rubbish I'd bought on the internet while drunk."

Bear necessities

HOTEL chain Travelodge has detailed the unusual things folk left in hotel rooms last year, including one executive who left his 50-year-old teddy bear, Rupert, behind at the Aberdeen Travelodge. The company says that the distressed gentleman sent his personal assistant round to collect the vintage bear as he could not sleep without him.

The unkind amongst you will on doubt claim that an Aberdonian hotelkeeper would probably charge the businessman the double occupancy rate.