That's a date

WE wish tennis star Any Murray all the best after heading home from the Australian Open after he had to pull out because of a hip injury. Inevitably though someone has contacted us to explain: "The NHS in England says it it quite happy to accommodate him for an operation which should see him back on his feet by 2026."

Hip hooray

Loading article content

WHICH kind of leads us to reader Liam Chalmers in Dumfries who says: "It was great to see old friends at the Hogmanay party - but I had to note we are all getting older. Just after the Bells, when we'd done Auld Lang Syne and the hugging and kissing, someone called for three cheers. 'Hip, hip, replacement!' was the resounding response.

Holidays over

NICE to see Glasgow council being so cheery about the school holidays being over. It used social media yesterday to exclaim: "All good things must come to an end... it’s time to look out the uniform, dust down the school bag and stand away from the selection boxes... Glasgow schools back after holidays in the morning!."

So folk still have selection boxes left? That's showing a lot of self-discipline.

Brotherly love

ALWAYS a bit of a lull in the quality of the television output after the New Year, with the return of the jaded Celebrity Big Brother. It reminds us of the old gag: "What's the difference between Celebrity Big Brother and Big Brother?" The answer being: "Nothing".

Not a wrinkle

A SOUTH Side reader emails: "Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow."

Trump charge

WE can't escape the continuing madness of American politics. A reader in the States tells us: "Hillary Clinton used social media to declare, 'What Trump just did is a disgrace.' Now, she actually posted that way back in September, 2016, but it could have applied every day since then."

Driving at

MILD enough for a bit of golf, but the continuous rain is not making conditions that pleasant just now. Donald Grant in Paisley was visiting an east coast golf club where he found the following comment scribbled on a locker door. It stated: "Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one." How true.

Royal command

THE Tory leader of the council covering Windsor has asked police to clear the area of beggars and the homeless before the Royal Wedding this year. As comedian Mark Nelson commented: "If only there was some sort of empty castle nearby."

On the move

RANGERS fans are bemused by the claims, reported in The Herald, that former Celtic player Didier Agathe had to move home nine times in a year and drive an armoured car to training because of the intensity of the Old Firm rivalry. Naturally they were sceptical about such wild allegations.

Said one with tongue in cheek: "I had to move three times in two years a few years ago and the estate agent remarked that I was 'dong an Agathe'. At the time it puzzled the life out of me but now the penny has dropped."