Hard to swallow

WHISKY of course has a rich heritage. But as Gordon Phillips in Ayr tells us: "On a recent cruise to South America I heard the barman showing a group of Chinese passengers the full range of single malts whose names all started with Glen, including Glenmorangie and Glenfiddoch, claim that the Glen family from Scotland were all related, making them one of the richest families still living there distilling all these wonderful whiskies. Once he had finished his little story the passengers dispersed, and when I asked him where he learned all that rubbish he replied it was good for getting tips."

By George

TALES of car thefts continued. Says Sue Forsyth in Bearsden: "On finishing a busy night shift in the Queen Mothers Hospital in the late eighties I discovered my radio cassette player had been stolen from my car leaving considerable damage. I drove, tired and cross, to Partick Police Station and told my tale of woe to a bored desk sergeant . It seemed that thefts of this kind were an everyday occurrence. He asked if anything else was missing and I remembered that my George Harrison tape was still in the player. Upon this piece of new information he appeared interested, leaned forward and said, 'That Hen, is the real tragedy here'."

Hard Labour

IT was the anniversary at the weekend of former Scots miner Keir Hardie forming the Independent Labour Party. Years ago when Scots politician John Reid was Labour's Northern Ireland Secretary he told a dinner of journalists that Hardie had set out four aims in his original manifesto, three of which had been met by Tony Blair's Government - the minimum wage, reform of the House of Lords, and Scottish devolution. He added that the fourth, the abolition of the sale of alcohol, was being considered by a Labour task force which would not report back for at least three decades.

Drinking it in

READER Paul Murphy passes on a comment by our old chum Joe Fattorini who explained on a recent TV programme about wine: "Here’s something I thought was quite funny - I was the wine writer for the Herald, and my job was to try and persuade Glaswegians that they might like to have a drink on a Saturday."

Wing it

WE asked what old insults should be preserved, and John Nisbet in Ayr says: "As part of a selection panel for a new employee, we were reviewing the CVs of the applicants when one panelist suggested that one of the applicants whom he knew should be rejected as he was 'lazier than a cuckoo with a broken wing' and was not what was required."

Playing a round

NEWS from America is that residents in Hawaii were sent a false alarm text that a missile had been launched, heading towards the islands. As John Henderson remarks: "I particularly liked the comment from Patrick Granfield, a former Defence Department official under President Obama, “Thank God the President was playing golf'."

And Ken Jennings opined: "Thoughts and prayers to everyone in Hawaii who finally came clean with a spouse or partner thinking the missile was on its way."

London calling

TALKING of Donald Trump, people have been imagining what his real reason was for cancelling a proposed trip to London. Suggested Chris Quilietti: "Because I found out that Clinton has a card shop there."

*Because Hadrian's Wall is a disgrace and they didn't even get the Scots to pay for it.

*Because the London Eye is such a bad deal, doesn't work - you can't even use it to see anything. Sad.

A blue do

MORE and more folk are downloading favourite films and TV shows to watch on their smart phones. But as Glenn Moore observes: "If you'd like your favourite TV show to feature a graphic sex scene, just watch an episode while on public transport."

Being negative

A GLASGOW reader swears to us he heard a chap in his local mournfully tell his pals who asked about his recent dating: "The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood."

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"Don, what were you thinking?" asks a reader who spots this sign outside a charity shop.