True grit

SO a bit of snow across the country yesterday. Perhaps the thing that cheered most folk up was logging on to Traffic Scotland's website and following a map of where the gritters have been. The bit that makes you smile is the names they have given the gritters, including Sir Salter Scott, Sir Andy Flurry, Luke Snowwalker, Grittie McVittie and Gritty Gritty Bang Bang.

Any good ones that they've missed out that you would like to suggest?

Bit of a dram-a

WE mentioned the false alarm in Hawaii when the government caused panic by erroneously claiming there was a missile attack. What we should pass on is one newspaper report which stated: "For some, the prospect of the end of the world was an opportunity to indulge. Joshua Keoki Versola was home alone in Mililani when he received the alert. As he waited for his fiancee to drive home from her place of work, the 35-year-old network engineer opened a bottle of Hibiki 21, an award-winning and expensive Japanese whisky."

As reader John Henderson says: "We Scots should take pride that we are way ahead of them in the Armageddon preparedness stakes."

They started it

CAR thefts continued. Says Niall MacDonald: "Some years ago when I came back to my car, which I had parked on Kelvin Way, it was locked and seemed normal but I found it would not start. Having eventually found the trouble I reported it to a passing policeman. The constable's comment was, 'This town's coming to something when they send out thieving neds specifically to nick the starter motor off a two-litre Ford Granada'."

Not so diplomatic

POLITICS now, and Oonagh Keating comments: "Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson is in with talks with North Korea. There's no diplomacy to be had with such a belligerent country, divorced from reality and utterly convinced of its own superiority. Don't know why Kim Jong-un is bothering."

Bit of a squeeze

WE asked what insults should be preserved even though they now sound out of date. Hugh Walsh in Dalry tells us: "It reminds me of a former colleague who rather unkindly referred to a lady who liked a smoke and a drink as having a face like a torn melodeon.This should be a warning to us all!"

Check it out

GROWING old continued. Says a Bearsden reader: "I'm now feeling decrepit as I've actually reached the age where one of my adult children finally offered to pay for a meal we had gone out to have together. Not sure whether to be pleased or sad."

Colourful language

A GLASGOW teacher tells us she was talking to her primary class about colours, and had asked them what their favourite colour was. One wee girl said "turquoise" which was a bit different from the others, so the teacher turned to the board and said: "That's a very good one. How do you spell it?" The girl immediately said: "I meant to say red."

Squeeze one in

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from a Bothwell reader who emails: "Accordion to research, nine out of ten people don't notice when you replace a word with a musical instrument."