Great Scot

THE news from America is that folk have been poring over the latest medical of Donald Trump. As reader Gordon Campbell in Crieff muses: "So we now know that President Trump drinks loads of fizzy drinks and takes no exercise. We also know he doesn't drink or smoke. Clear confirmation he's only half Scottish."

Can't complain

MEANWHILE in Glasgow, a reader tells us: "I bumped into an old friend I hadn't seen since the New Year and I asked her how she was. She then complained about everything in her life for ten minutes without interruption before taking a breath and adding, 'But I can't really complain'."

Going for a song

HOTEL Indigo in Glasgow's Bothwell Street is up for sale. We recall when its first manager Denis MacCann held a charity fundraiser there for Yorkhill Hospital with entertainment from the Glasgow Gospel Choir. Afterwords one of the singers told us: "One of the benefits of being in a choir is when folk ask you if you've been behaving, you can tell them with the utmost sincerity you're a choirboy."

Wonder of Woolies

PETER Wyngarde, the ultra-smooth playboy hero of seventies TV show Department S has died at the age of 90. You might not remember the show, but moustachioed Peter was lusted after by so many women back then. Carl Gresham, who ran one of the first agencies representing TV stars, contracted Peter to open a new Woolworths in Barnsley when the show was a hit. When Carl arrived to see Peter the police told him there were so many women fighting to get inside they would rather Carl went home as they couldn't guarantee his safety if he tried to push in.

Red faced

WE asked for names for Scotland's gritters, and Jim MacRitchie in Paisley suggest Grita Garbo and True Grit. Less cheery was Bill Thompson in Lenzie who declares: "I think the gritter in our area is The Scarlet Gritternel, as we seek it here, we seek it there, we seek it everywhere."

Have a butcher's

OLD insults that should be preserved, continued. Says Grant Young: "Your reference to mince reminds me of a mate who was a rugby forward, arriving in the pub one Saturday evening after a match, where his face had obviously come off worst in the shenanigans that go on in the scrum.

One of the pub's worthies looked at him and declared, 'My goad son - you've got a face like a butcher's flair'."

Final answer

RADIO host and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire presenter Chris Tarrant has been banned from driving for a year after being over the alcohol limit when he was stopped driving home from his local pub. Phil Hodges muses: "It's a pity that the magistrate didn't hold up a piece of paper and told him he was banned for a year, then tore the paper up while saying, 'But we don't want to give you that,' and then doubled it to two years."

All alone

AFTER this week's Government announcement about a new post being created, Bennet Arron wonders: "Why is there only one Minister for Loneliness?"