Out for a spin

ONE of Glasgow's loveliest publicans, Elaine Scott, has retired from that great whisky and traditional music bar in Finnieston, the Ben Nevis. We like the interview in the trade magazine The Dram where Elaine talks about the famous people who have called in, particularly as the Ben is so near the Hydro. Her list included Dolly Parton's drummer but then she added the memorable explanation: "He was just passing the time while he washed his drawers in the laundrette across the road.”

Model behaviour

WE asked for your Burns Night stories, and a Glasgow reader recalled when an actor dressed as Burns was hired to entertain folk at the M&S branch in Argyle Street because it was on the site of the Black Bull Inn where Burns once stayed. Says our reader: "He really threw himself into the role, asking a lady shopper with a pram if the bairn was one of his, and then struggled to remove a bra from one of these headless models they had, while announcing, 'It wasn't so complicated in my day'."

What's in a name?

OSCAR nominations were announced yesterday, and good to see outstanding films such as Dunkirk, Florida Project, and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, included. But as one reader tells us: "It's finally happened. I've now reached the age where a film is nominated for a best film Oscar and I've never heard of it. I am now my dad."

Tune in

HENRY Bolton's attempts to cling on to the leadership of right-wing party Ukip is strangely fascinating. As Alan Ferrier put it: "He's now lost his wife, his girlfriend and possibly his job. If he has a truck and a dog this could turn out to be the best country and western song ever."

Kerb his enthusiasm

OUR trip down memory lane this week is the old school jotters – it really was the great social class divide in those days – whether your jotters were covered in brown paper or merely off-cuts of wallpaper. Anyway one reader recalls: "There was a wee slogan at the bottom of the jotter covers which, in an attempt at road safety, stated, 'Better a moment at the kerb than a month in hospital'. One of my classmates spent almost a whole period laboriously changing it to read, 'Better a month in hospital than a moment at school'."

Rub it in

INSULTS that should be preserved. Says Margaret Thomson: "When a Greenock Morton player was felt to have underperformed, it was said that 'he couldnae kick a hole in a wet Tele'. The Telegraph of course being the local newspaper.

And talking of newspapers, John Elder in Edinburgh pays us a sort of compliment by stating: "With fake new causing concern amongst online and social media users, perhaps it would be good advice to only trust a news source that you can wipe your ass with?"

Bit of a cowboy

THE gritters have been put away, and so has our competition to name them. We did mention Tex Ritter though – as in naming a vehicle Tex Gritter, and Ed Hunter tells us: "I recall being at a school parents' night many years ago and being asked by my daughter's teacher, 'What on earth are the Texas Ritters?'

"My five-year-old daughter had overheard her wee pal's dad say to me, 'He's got a tummy upset and a wee touch of the Tex Ritters'."

Don't bet on it

TODAY'S piece of sheer daftness comes from a Wishaw reader who emails: "My wife broke up with me recently because I'm a compulsive gambler.

"All I can think about is how to win her back."