Sioux them

OUR story about the popular barber's shop at Patrick Cross reminded Robert Gardner: "Our local village had a gents' hairdresser with two older men who knew everyone in the area. They were known to us as Sam the Sioux and Jimmy Comanche. If you asked them for a Tony Curtis or a Frank Sinatra haircut, or any other style, you left with exactly the same cut as everyone else. What we didn't know was our mothers had already instructed them what was required."

Being dramatic

THE University Cafe on Byres Road whose family owners have thankfully avoided crass modernisation, celebrates its centenary this year. We always liked the story of veteran Scottish actor and comedian Johnny Beattie who actually worked in the shipyards, but was discovered in the University Cafe when a stranger went over to him and asked if he had ever thought of being in amateur dramatics because of his good looks. Johnny later said that he went along as he had always loved the theatre, "and of course I'd heard there were lots of lovely women in am-dram."

Bank on it

A GLASGOW reader swears to us he heard a young woman on the train into town tell her pal: "I'd have a lot more money in my account if the ATM machines asked me what I needed the money for, then looked at me disapprovingly before grudgingly giving me half of what I asked for."

To a degree

GLASGOW stand-up Susan Calman, who was such a gung-ho and joyous competitor on television show Strictly Come Dancing has just appeared in her home town in the touring production of the programme. As she told her pals: "My Mum and Dad are coming to The Strictly show in Glasgow. I got them comp. tickets, which hopefully makes us even for all that money they spent supporting me through university. The law degree really helps my quickstep."

Bit of a card

SOME words of advice from a Merchant City reader who emails: "Shops. There's really no need to stock 'Happy Valentine's Day To My Wife' cards before 6pm on February 13th."

Explaining Jacob

THAT Victorian-looking Eton-educated Tory Jacob Rees-Mogg is much in the news with his anti-EU views. We turn to writer Graeme Swanson who makes the observation: "Jacob Rees-Mogg looks like the first person you think did it in an Agatha Christie murder mystery, but it later turns out he has a good alibi and you've learned a lesson because you shouldn't judge by appearances. But then in a twist it turns out he did do it and enjoyed it too."

How he sees it

GROWING old continued. Says Ian Noble: "I have been a keen race-goer for many years, and in the early days I used binoculars to watch the races, but with the introduction of big screen televisions, I stopped using them. Now I’m back using them again - to see the big screen."

What a turnip

WE should end our tales of insults worth preserving by going into the countryside and hearing from Jim Sheehan who says: "I was once in a rural Argyllshire hotel when a wild west saloon-type brawl erupted in the bar, amongst a wel-refreshed group who seemingly had earlier attended the funeral of a local farmer. What sparked off the trouble was what was apparently the ultimate insult amongst such farming folk, 'A' you'r guid fur is shawin' neeps'. It translates as 'removing the leaves off turnips'."

He threw me

FOOLISHLY asked a colleague what he had done at the weekend and he told me: "My mate finally convinced me to go to judo classes with him. He twisted my arm."