Thigh's the limit

UDDINGSTON bakers Tunnock's have had a sexist advertisement for their tea cakes, showing a female tennis player holding a tea cake at the top of her naked thigh and asking, "Where do you keep yours?" banned. We liked the reaction of Rachel Hawkins who commented: "I don't have time to wonder where to keep my Tunnock's tea cake because it's shoved in my gob before I can think about it."

Treated royally

AS the Burns Suppers come to an end for another year, entertainer Andy Cameron recalls: "I was reminded of a Burns Supper I attended in the days when if you fancied a fag you had to wait until after the Loyal Toast. The chairman in a miners' club in Ayrshire, not too far from Rabbie's birthplace, stood up and informed the company, 'The Queen is drunk – you may now smoke'."

Worth sharing

ARE you trying to make sense of the price of shares dropping around the world? Mark Normand explains: "The stock market dropping feels like when my girlfriend gets angry. I know there's a reason, but I'm still completely clueless, and I've heard if I spend money things will get better."

Coasting a little

GOOD news this week with the BBC changing the shape of its weather map to better reflect the size of Scotland. Our sister paper The National told its readers on Twitter: "The BBC weather map used to show Scotland as smaller than it actually is – but not any more." A pedantic reader replied: "Every map shows places smaller than they actually are. It's part of the point of maps, or you wouldn't be able to carry them."

Rev it up

THE Very Reverend Lorna Hood reported yesterday that Effie Irvine, the first woman minister to be in charge of a Church of Scotland parish, has died at the age of 93. It's worth recalling that this was seen as a huge step in the early-1070s. We always liked Effie's dismissive tone when asked about it in The Herald and she replied: "There were a goodly number of ministers who were against the idea of women in the ministry. They had a right to their own opinion, but their opposition was irrelevant."

Sticky time

GROWING old continued. Says a Shawlands reader: "Here is a handy guide to using deodorant as you get older. 1. Apply deodorant. 2. Wait two seconds. 3. Try to remember if you put on deodorant. 4. Reapply deodorant."

Cutting remark

OUR tales of barbers reminds a Glasgow reader of being at his local hairdresser's beside a chap who had very little hair on top. His reply to the scissors-wielder when asked what he wanted done, replied: "A trim at the sides – but keep it gallus on top."

Trump that

WE ask a reader in the States what the reaction is to President Trump now wanting the country to hold a military parade where he can salute the forces. He tells us: "If he wanted to take part in a military parade, maybe he shouldn’t have dodged the draft."

Initial idea

FOOTBALL news, and the Daily Record wants the footballing authorities, the SFA and the SPL to merge under the title of the Scottish Football Federation in order "to put the once-proud nation that invented the game back on the world football map". Diary reader Bobby Howie in Irvine reckons it should be the Football Federation of Scotland, as the initials FFS often come to mind when watching the national team.