Playing a round

TOO much snow even for the keenest of golfers. Over in Australia though Gordon Gosnold tells us about a friendly foursome which ended with one frustrated player taking three shots to get out of a greenside bunker. After raking the bunker, as you do, he picked up his bag of clubs and threw it into the lake beside the green before trudging towards the greenhouse.

Says Gordon: "Not sure how to proceed the other three are pleased to see their comrade stop, turn round, and wade into the water and retrieve the bag which he dragged to the side. He then unzipped the side pocket, retrieved his wallet and keys - and tossed the bag back in."

Shopped

THE snow is now heading to Ireland. We like the reaction of Irish citizen Susie Dardis who told her pals on social media: "I’ve just been panic shopping in advance of the Beast From The East. Came home with a gorgeous pair of evening shoes, mascara, a mini donut, milk and a roast chicken!"

Sudden exit

OUR tales of old cinemas remind David Purdie: “On Saturday afternoons my brother and I used to go to the Grand in Stockbridge which was a bit rough and ready. The toilet had an emergency exit that opened out on to the street by using a push bar. The rowdier elements would deputise one of their number to pay to get in, and he would then go to the toilet, open the door and half of Stockbridge would pour in for free.

“During a Tarzan film I was in the gents just as an invasion was happening. The manager rushed in and chucked everybody out, including me who had legally paid. When the programme ended, my brother emerged totally unaware that I hadn’t returned from the loo.”

Fishy

WE commiserate with a former colleague who has had his car nicked. One of his pal's tells him: "My dad once had his car stolen with hundreds of pounds worth of fishing equipment in the back. The car turned up a few miles away, with the fishing equipment untouched and a note to say, 'Sorry, I just couldn’t walk any further'."

Hip hip hooray

SAYS reader Scott Barclay: "Your FA (Family Allowance) acronym reminded me of a friend's wife who was attending hospital for a scan on her hip. She noted the acronym 'OA' on the diagnosis chart and commented to the consultant that she thought it a bit insensitive to label her condition as ‘Old Age’. The consultant replied quickly that it actually stood for Osteo-Arthritis."

Flight of fancy

AH we've all been there. Ian Craig in Strathaven gives us his view on Ryanair slashing tis flights from Glasgow Airport: "Just wondered if I’m the only person in the west of Scotland delighted with the news. This will save my wife trawling through their website and trying to get me to fly to Timbuktu or some other equally obscure place that I don’t really want to go to. Then having to join a queue well before departure at some god- awful hour before being dazzled by the garish yellow interior of the plane. Just hope that Edinburgh is next."

Spectacle

THEY are ubiquitous, so it was perhaps inevitable that a Specsavers shop, a Lloyds Pharmacy and a Greggs are next door to each other in Kings Heath High Street in Birmingham. Locals are referring to the shops as “Specs and drugs and sausage rolls.”