In a spin

THE late great Cream guitarist Jack Bruce has been honoured with the installation of a sculpture at the Royal Conservatoire in Glasgow. It reminds us of the slightly sad tale of Jack deciding on an impulse to take down one of his platinum discs framed on his wall to see if he could play it on his stereo. He then discovered it was actually a warped Louis Armstrong album covered in platinum-coloured paint.

When in Rome

NAIL-BITING finish by Scotland against Italy in Rome at the weekend. Tam McComasky reports on the Inverleith Rugby Club members in Rome: "When three fans were enjoying the local tipple of Caffè corretto (coffee with brandy) the ‘Kitty Master’ informed his two companions that although the bottom line of the receipt of €19.20 was a wee bit steep, Rome was an expensive city.

"On counting the change there appeared to be a discrepancy. The more sharp-eyed of the trio spotted the error – the cost was €9 and in fact 19:20 on the receipt was the time. Three more Caffè correttos were duly ordered."

Sinking feeling

WE liked the story in nuclear submarine officer Eric Thompson's autobiography On Her Majesty's Nuclear Service, about the teenage trainee mechanic at their base at Faslane. Wrote Eric: "Although I was not a coffee drinker, the young man kept bringing me cups of coffee. When I asked him why, he replied, 'Commander Quade told me that my only purpose in life was to keep the coffee coming'. When I reminded Cdr Q that a young trainee will take orders literally, he went ashen. 'S***!' he groaned. 'I've just told him to take my in-tray out of my sight and set fire to it'."

Got his number

WE bump into an old colleague recently retired who tells us the secret of retirement is to make a "To Do list" and gave us an example. "To Do List. 1. Make a to do list. 2. Tick first thing on your To Do list. 3. Realise you've already accomplished two things on the list. 4. Reward yourself with a nap."

Point the finger

A LENZIE reader emails us the information: " I tried a bit of finger painting yesterday. Wish I hadn't bothered. It took me eight hours just to do the skirting boards."

Faced the music

BROADCASTER Tony Currie is giving a talk on Scottish radio broadcasting at the Glasgow Art Club on the 29th, and he reminisces with us: "Jack McLaughlin of Thingumyjig fame and last seen hosting STV's Hogmanay show, was a DJ on the ship-based 242 Radio Scotland in 1966. He saw himself as a pop presenter, but when Paul Young, now of Still Game, left to return to acting, Jack was given the couthy Scottish show. To avoid doing it again he sent it up rotten, urging listeners to 'shoogle your sugaralli water', 'bounce on your bunions' and 'lift up your kilts'. He was fired – but the sack-loads of fan mail forced his reinstatement and he's been saddled with playing tartan music ever since!"

Honeymoon tale

DID you see the news story about the newly-married couple who had to spend their wedding night in an emergency centre as they were unable to get to Cornwall because of snow? Reader John Dunlop follows up the story by telling us: "Pleased to see that the newlyweds eventually got down to Newquay."