Suspicious minds

SOME debate yesterday on whether Prime Minister Theresa May's fleeting visit to Ayrshire was treating Scotland a tad shabbily. As G.A. Ponsonby put it: "Elvis's Prestwick Airport stop-over lasted longer - and he even met the public."

I'll be Bach

GOOD news that the 1865 organ at St Bride's Episcopal Church on Hyndland Road, Glasgow, has been lovingly restored, and that there will be an inaugural recital by Henry Fairs on April 28. It reminds us of a Rothesay reader who told us she was in a church where the music stand beside the organ had a large volume entitled Bach's Organ Works on it. Underneath the title someone had added: "So does mine!"

Feeling liverish

OUR B&B stories have reminded readers of the odd customers you sometimes meet in such establishments. As Frank Gilfeather says: "They take me back to 1969 and my arrival in Aberdeen to work as a reporter on the Press and Journal. I was in digs in an enormous house in the West End - B&B and evening meal - which had a two-bar electric fire connected to a meter that swallowed two-bob bits. At team-time one evening I had a former headmaster join me at my table and during our chat in between mouthfuls of bacon and liver, he took out an empty pipe tobacco tin, cut a piece of liver into a square just big enough to fit into the tin, and then placed it in his pocket with no explanation."

Sticky ending

PARENTING skills, continued. A Pollokshields reader confesses to us: "I've shouted at my teenage daughter so many times about leaving empty shampoo bottles in the shower that I've half a mind to fill the next one with maple syrup and leave it there."

Who needs friends?

A READER on the Neilston train into Glasgow heard some young lads discussing the Facebook controversy about the company selling on your personal details. "I knew there was something dodgy about Facebook - that's why I deleted my account five years ago," one of them said triumphantly. "Naw it wusnae," said one of his mates. "It was because you took the huff at only getting three friend requests."

Back of the net

DID I mention Theresa May? In interests of balance, a reader down in Twickenham tells us that after the football last weekend, an Englishman in his local sought him out as the bar's token Scot and asked him: "Is it true that Nicola Sturgeon didn't like the result in the Scotland Costa Rica match and is asking for it to be replayed?"

Hairy moment

WE mentioned the horrors of making small-talk at receptions, and Ken Campbell confesses: "As a newly appointed member of a local authority directorate I was privileged to attend the retirement party for a respected senior colleague. I was engaged in conversation with a co-worker and an important local councillor when I chanced to bite into a meringue which had been provided by cheery catering staff.

"Facial hair and meringues should never be allowed to come into contact in public. Both gentlemen allowed me to retire with what little dignity was left but within minutes the tale of Kenny's sticky beard was known abroad. It took three washes to rid my face of the clinging confection. I used to like meringues."

Touching

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from Neil who says: "My friend's having therapy to try to cure his addiction to playing tig. It's early days, so he's still very much touch and go at the moment."

Pic capt

Very moving scenes of Australian cricket captain Steve Smith breaking down in public as he apologised for the ball tampering incident. Anyway, moving on, Ted Murray in Ayr sends us a picture entitled "Aussie fielding practice".