Pulling strings

WE mentioned the sad death of former Thistle manager John Lambie, and Paul Drury, working in public relations, tells us: "I once had the daunting task of persuading John to dress up as a Samurai warrior to promote a car sponsorship deal with Thistle. John was up for it, particularly when he was trying on the various pieces of his Japanese suit for the photo shoot at the ground. 'What's this son?' he asked as he got changed in his manager's office. He was holding up a confusing piece of warrior kit. 'I think it's a kind of apron,' I told him. 'Ah,' said the Whitburn man, 'I know how to put wan o' them on'."

Not catching

CHILDREN'S tales continued. Says Margaret Forbes in Kilmalcolm: "Your story about the child frightened of the draught reminded me of the time my mother and sister came home drookit after being caught in heavy rain. My mother said, 'We were caught in that rain!' And so I said fearfully, 'What does the rain do to you when it catches you?'"

And talking of mothers, an East Kilbride reader asks us: "I wonder how many tragedies my mother actually prevented when me and my siblings went out to play and she stood at the door shouting at us, 'Be careful!'"

May or may not

WE end our Tory-themed TV comedies with Bill Martin's suggestion: The Snarling Duds of May.

Brush off

OUR growing old stories included a reader who forgot to take his glasses off before going for a shower. However Brian McAulay comments: "But you can't see when you take off your glasses. I thought my wife had got that exotic Euthymol toothpaste, only to find out when I got out the shower and got my specs on, that I'd brushed my teeth with Germolene."

No ice, please

MIKE Ritchie spots a beer on sale in a pub in Hove which has the title Titanic Plum Porter. It was perhaps inevitable that a member of staff had chalked on the board below the beer's title "Goes down well."

Let's face it

AN AYRSHIRE reader tells us wives' birthdays were being discussed in his local golf club where one of the members declared: "I forgot my wife's birthday and told her, 'You can't expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older'." "Did that work?" a fellow member asked him. "Not in the least," he admitted.

Princely sum

ALL this talk about keeping your information safe on the internet leads to one reader emailing us: "It's getting to the stage where the only guy on the internet that I trust with my personal data is that Nigerian Prince who keeps on contacting me." Or at least we think it was a reader. Who knows?

Sweet deal

THE new sugar tax has increased some soft drinks prices, and garden centre Caulder's has put up ginger beer and cola prices in its cafe by 10p. However a card on every table detailing the price rise states: "But if you want six sugars in your coffee we will give you that for free. We don't know if this sugar tax is a bad thing or if it's good. But we do believe a little of what you fancy does you good. So whether you want a litre of Coke or a skinny decaf latte, none of us will be judging you. We just want to see you happy!"

Reader Alan Woodison asks: "Is that sugar-coating a price rise?"

Jump to it

WISE words from a colleague who tells us: "I was asked if I wanted to do a skydive. I said you can just get the same feeling by zooming in very fast on Google Earth."