Made an impression

ADA McDonald writes: "There may be an age limit to the stories you like to use in the Diary," and we reassure her that no, there is not. Anyway, it was our story about a secretary typing on a manual typewriter that reminded her of her aunt, a secretary with the Scottish Co-Op Wholesale Society, who once told her of walking to work when she heard a window in the tenement she was passing being raised, and the agitated women inside shouting down to her husband the unforgettable line: "Wullie! Wullie! Ye’re away wi’ the wrang teeth!”

Rolling in the aisles

WHAT larks when cheap and cheerful supermarket Lidl announced it was taking over the premises of the former upmarket Whole Foods Market in aspirational Giffnock, and folk were making fun of the supposed alarm in the minds of Giffnockians fearing their enclave on Glasgow's south side was going downhill. Our favourite reaction on social media was Jploughownes who declared: "Giffnock punters going tonto about a Lidl being built. Wait until the first time they go down the fourth aisle and come out with a four-man tent, a cutlery set, a Swiss army axe and a pair of long johns wae trainers built into them, aw for about six quid."

Nothing to laugh at

LESLEY Kelly from Edinburgh, who not only writes books but also does stand-up comedy, is launching her latest thriller Songs by Dead Girls, at Waterstone's in Argyle Street on Thursday evening. Lesley, who did a gig at the Stand comedy club in Glasgow a few years ago, confesses that she had wished she had started the gig with a better opening. She went on and announced: "Hi, I’m Lesley, I’m from Edinburgh," and was dutifully boo-ed to the rafters by the Glasgow crowd. Despite this introduction to Glasgow hospitality, she’s happy to come back on Thursday when she will be in conversation with our old chum and local author Douglas Skelton.

Can't compute

TALKING of authors, many of us can identify with writer Jill Mansell who was telling folk: "Just spent ages booking a holiday apartment online. It then flashed up that the place was no longer available. I was furious for an hour, until I realised it was no longer available because I’d booked it."

Open invitation

MODERN life explained by Liz Hackett who says: "Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren't invited to something, and wondering how to get out of it."

Toilet humour

QUITE a small subset of Diary stories, but nonetheless our tale of having to wee out of a B&B attic window reminds Ken Johnson: "When I was a lot younger I woke in an attic room with an urgent need. I knew there was a toilet on that floor but couldn't remember which door, so the window in the gable beckoned. A terrible rattling sound was heard and I realised that there was an outhouse below with a corrugated iron roof. Stopping was not an option, so I had to carry on, hoping no-one would hear the racket. When someone remarked to the landlady at breakfast that they heard heavy rain overnight, she said that the ground was dry. Maybe it was my imagination but I thought she was looking at me as she said it."

A bit saucy

MOTHERS of first babies can often be overly-careful with their young charges. We notice a young mum confessing on social media: “I’ll forever wish I’d double checked the worrisome red mark on my baby son’s head before rushing him into the doctor’s. The doctor rubbed it off. It was ketchup.”