Asking the question
FORMER Liverpool player Steven Gerrard is the latest favourite to take over as Rangers manager. As his final season at Liverpool was under the management of Brendan Rodgers, a reader, a tad cryptically, was able to tell us: "Not a bad choice – he’s definitely got experience in stopping Brendan Rodgers winning the league."
Our own favourite Gerrard moment was when he was at a press conference before a Poland v England game and put on the headphones left for him on the table. The first question was in English. Steven listened intently, looked up, took the headphones off and said: "Sorry, I've just listened to that in Polish. What was the question again?"
Colourful remark
SO yesterday's royal news was that Prince William is to be the best man at Prince Harry's wedding next month. A reader phones to explain: "He's a ginger with no mates. His brother had to step in."
Seeing red
WE asked for your favourite excuses for being late and a Dunblane reader says a colleague once came late into the office and said she was passed by a fire engine while driving to work, and she couldn't stop herself from turning the car round and following it to make sure it wasn't her own house that was on fire.
And my own personal favourite of a very classy excuse was when my old colleague Anne Johnstone turned up a day late in the office after a sailing holiday, walked up to the news editor and gave him the sublime line: "Becalmed in the Azores."
Chust sublime
IT'S the 30th anniversary of the Glasgow Garden Festival, and George McKenzie on Rothesay tells us that a fibreglass figure of great literary sailor Para Handy, sitting on a bench, was supposed to be at the festival alongside a model of his ship the Vital Spark. It had been inadvertently left behind, and George was sent to the festival with Para Handy on a truck. Says George: "The expressions of passing drivers were priceless as they saw the ancient mariner calmly sitting smoking his pipe on the back of a truck doing 60 mph.The security guard wouldn’t let us in as we had no passes. When I explained our situation to his supervisor and pointed to Para Handy his attitude immediately changed and he said, 'Any friend of Para Handy is welcome to the Glasgow Garden Festival' and he waved us through with a salute to Para."
No angel
A READER swears to us that a fellow toper in his Glasgow local announced the other night: "The wife had the cheek to call me lazy. I took the huff – she can take down the Christmas decorations herself."
But not Rosa
WE bump into photographer Ross Samson who wants to take a photograph of a member of all the 27 other countries in the EU who are living in Glasgow's south side for an exhibition. He is still short of a few including Luxembourg. Says a desperate Ross: "I haven’t even found a person who has ever known someone from Luxembourg far less one that lives in Glasgow, although we have located, believe it or not, wee Mrs Luxembourg frae Govanhill."
Ross, at rosssamson@btinternet.com, is also looking for a willing sitter from Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Estonia, Finland, and Latvia.
Got to smile
OUR false teeth stories have perhaps inevitably led to a number of readers sending us the classic tale of the Glasgow chap at the formal dinner who had forgotten to put in his teeth, and the guest next to him saying: "I think I can help you. Give me a couple of minutes – my premises are just down the road." He reappeared a short time later and handed over a set of dentures which fitted perfectly. "Great fit," said the man. "You must be an excellent dentist". "I'm not a dentist," he said. "I'm an undertaker."
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