Gardening leave
SO Rangers caretaker manager Graeme Murty has stepped down after the board of the club announced they had "relieved him of his duties." Sad day for Graeme, but words of support from BBC Scotland football commentator Jim Spence who says: "Being relieved of your duties doesn't have to be a cause for shame. Mrs S relieved me of my edging duties in the gairden last night on spurious grounds of incompetence. I didn't feel any shame at all."
Cup runneth over
AND the only sliver of hope for Rangers fans was that their under-17 side beat Celtic's young-uns in the final of the Glasgow Cup. An excitable Rangers fan emails: "The Glasgow Cup is the only competition that matters. The SFA should do the right thing and award the Champions League spot to the winners of our premier competition."
Open the box
TIME to have a final smile with our false teeth stories as Alison Masterson in Inverkip confesses: "I took some items into a charity shop this week which included a little black trinket box. I thought I'd explain what was in the box but got a shock when I opened it - I'd forgotten I'd decanted the trinket and put an old dental plate in for safe-keeping in case of emergency."
Driven to distraction
WE asked for the best excuses for being late, and a west end reader tells us a female friend swept in late to the restaurant and announced: "Sorry I'm late - I got stuck behind some idiot who was sticking to the speed limit."
Got it licked
THE Herald news story that the Orange Lodge was seIling King Billy sweets makes Hugh Dougherty wonder if they would extend their range to include Boyne Bons, March Mallows and of course Londonderry's Walls Ice Cream.
Basket-case
AS the holiday season begins, language difficulties between Scotland and the rest of the UK resurface. As John Mulholland tells us: "I’m on holiday in Suffolk, and popped into the Co-Op supermarket where I asked where the biscuits were. ‘They’re by the front door, in the corner,’ I was told. I looked to where she was pointing. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I want biscuits, not baskets’."
Tasty remark
TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from Ian Power who declares: "Studies have shown that food tastes about 40% better if it's eaten whilst your other hand is holding open the fridge door."
Dear Diary
WE got all nostalgic this week when we mentioned our old chum Tom Shields couldn't stop himself from writing about Kilwinning when he wrote The Diary. Says Russell Smith in Kilbirnie: "You were recalling Tom's Kilwinning wedding story and it reminds me of the young Kilwinning man telling his mother he was marrying a virgin, but his mother told him, 'Son, if she’s no good enough for the boys in Kilwinning, then she’s no good enough for you.' Apologies if I read this in The Diary."
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