EUROVISION came to the House of Commons for the first PMQs of 2018.
Sitting in the “Salmond spot” by the opposition benches aisle, the SNP champion Pete Wishart with a mischievous glint in his eye stood up to ask Mother Theresa what he no doubt thought was a zinger of a question.
“On a scale between one and 10, how does the Prime Minister think her Brexit is going with 10 meaning all going perfectly, we know what we want to achieve and we know how to get it, and one being chaotic cluelessness?”
He then added: “I know what I would give the Prime Minister but what would she give herself?”
At this point as the head girl rose to answer the Perth MP, sporting a cheeky grin, held up a piece of paper with the words “nul points” on it.
As a mixture of groans and laughter bounced off the ceiling, the Speaker rose: “Ooooorder. Let me just say to the honourable member for Perth and North Perthshire, whom I have known for a long time, that when he comes to reflect on his conduct, he will know that he can do better than that.” Nul points perhaps?
Finally, the PM pointed to her grand success in Brussels in completing phase one of the Brexit talks and suggested people would judge that “this Government know what they are doing and that they are getting on with the job and doing well”. Cinq points?
Earlier, Jezza again displayed a canny knack of missing an open goal given this week’s less-than-impressive Cabinet reshuffle when one of Thezza’s colleagues was given the wrong job, albeit momentarily, another refused to move and was given an enhanced job and a third resigned because she did not want to leave her current job.
The only reference the chief comrade made to what some regarded as a reshuffle shambles was him saying how the PM recognised there was a “crisis in our NHS because she wanted to sack the Health Secretary last week but was too weak to do it”. He later referred to how, instead of dealing with the social care crisis, she had rewarded Jeremy Hunt with a promotion and a new job title.
One gets the distinct impression that the Labour chief really needs lessons in going-for-the-jugular as each week Maggie May leaves the chamber singularly unruffled. Mr Wishart’s nul points poster could equally have applied to Jezza’s performance.
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