BIRTHDAYS. They’re a mixed bag. Celebration for some, memento mori for others. The 10th anniversary of the SNP winning power was a bit of both at FMQs.

Nicola Sturgeon saw only achievement behind her, her opponents only exquisite decline ahead.

Tory boss Ruth Davidson declared there had been “a 10-year record of failure” in schools.

Numeracy was down, literacy was down, celibacy was down...

The First Minister held up a Tory leaflet banging on about independence and the SNP, but omitting education. “They have a constitutional obsession!” she replied.

It was hard to tell if the SNP or opposition benches howled louder.

Mischievous Nat Kenneth Gibson then asked about Scotland’s surging population, a phenomenon he put down to immigration and “the best efforts of the Presiding Officer”.

This was a reference to the famous golden gonads underneath Ken Macintosh.

He and his wife have six children; they’re like the von Trapp family without the scenery.

“I feel I should start by thanking the Presiding Officer for his contribution,” giggled the FM.

It was all too cosy for Tory Murdo Fraser, for whom every silver lining must have a cloud.

Relative to population share, Scotland had fewer migrants than other parts of the UK.

Surely after 10 years of SNP government Scotland was "a relatively unattractive place for immigrants?”

Ms Davidson winced. MSPs cried “shame”. Ms Sturgeon loaded the bazooka.

“What an utterly disgraceful thing for a member of the Parliament to describe his own country as an ‘unattractive place’ to live,” she spat.

“I remember the days - they are becoming dark and distant days - when he used to be a serious politician. Now, it seems he aspires just to be a figure of fun.”

Murdo’s face lit up the back row like a birthday cake with too many candles to count.