MAYHEM opportunity of the week looms tomorrow as the Campaign for Real Ale invites candidates to sign a “pledge for pubs” in an Edinburgh boozer. Hopefuls are asked to drop by when the lunchtime pints are in full flow. It could be a riot! Oh, hang on. They’re politicians. They couldn’t organise a you-know-what if you paid them.

BEVVY problems of another kind in Berwickshire, Roxburgh and Selkirk, where there are fears folk may get, ahem, distracted by common ridings events around June 8. One candidate is even reminding their workers they have to go and vote. Mercifully it’s not illegal with a skinful, although genuine enthusiasts may be asked to return when sober.

BESIDES the election race, LibDem press boss Tim Hustler is also hoping to finish this week's Edinburgh marathon for charity. With admirable candour, he warns donors: “I must stress that if I knew an election was happening I would not have done this cause it’s a stupid idea.” A bit like joining the LibDem press office a few weeks ago, Tim.

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SUCH is his dedication, we hear Tim warms up in the office, alarming colleagues by vigorously flexing in what appear to be outsize blue underpants. He also sports a hoodie with the legend “Tim President” across the back. As our mole reports: “We knew the President was a hustler, but we didn’t know Hustler was a president.”