IT can’t be easy being eclipsed by a scone. Richard Leonard’s debut as Scottish Labour leader at FMQs was supposed to be the highlight of the Holyrood week.
His predecessor flailing about in a box of fish guts labelled Sickola Sturgeon was obviously the main event of the week, if not of our lifetime.
He was never going to upstage Kezia Dugdale appearing on “I’m a Celebrity”, that sneak preview of political death.
But you would have thought he’d at least top the bill at FMQs.
Alas, no. That honour went to a small cake with dried fruit in it.
It started with Ruth Davidson picking a fight among the footnotes of the Budget.
The Scottish Tory leader said Nicola Sturgeon was happy to trumpet her own schemes paid for by “financial transactions”, but labelled them a “con” when they came from the Chancellor.
The First Minister insisted Philip Hammond was at it when he said Scotland would be £2bn better off, as only a fraction of that was ready cash, and most of it was funny money.
Unless Ms Davidson admitted as much, “she is even more of a party stooge for her Westminster masters than I thought she was”.
Ms Davidson said the SNP usually complained about not getting enough dosh.
“Today we have a brand new one: it’s the wrong kind of money! Money that can be spent on housing? No, thank you.
“Money to tackle fuel poverty? How dare the UK Government!
“Only this First Minister could be handed an extra £2bn and still sound like somebody has stolen her scone,” she said.
Reader, steel yourself. What follows is the dumbest, most desperate pivot yet recorded in the annals of devolution. And that includes Kez’s TV career.
The FM replied: “If I was a Tory these days, I wouldn’t be standing up in Parliament and talking about scones, given the number of Scottish families who are being forced to food banks.”
And if I was FM I wouldn’t use food banks to score ridiculous points whenever an opponent mentioned something edible.
“How dare you say I’ve got a chip on my shoulder… Put away that pie chart… Don’t ever call me Ms Sturgeon... when there are people using food banks.”
The chamber broke down in contemptuous laughter.
Later, Mr Leonard played it safe, praising firefighters and extinguishing all excitement.
A question about “a decade of mediocrity from the SNP” turned into a rambling speech in which his face came to match the red of his tie and he started waving his hands arms up and down like someone trying to decide which of two marrows was heaviest.
But it was no match for the scone. That took the biscuit.
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