KEN Macintosh doesn’t often boot up. The Presiding Officer specialises in a dreamy, zen-like woodenness - the inscrutable features, the immobile Lego hair.

But like the kraken of the deep, if ever awaken, watch out.

Half-way through FMQs, Gentle Ken had had enough. His message: “I’m mild as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore.”

Things had been tootling along in the usual rut. Ruth Davidson made no progress in the row over the Justice Secretary and Scotland’s lesser spotted Chief Constable.

Then Richard Leonard irked Nicola Sturgeon by raising the closure of a children’s ward she suggested in 2016 was safe.

But when LibDem boss-let Willie Rennie raised the ward again the PO stirred ominously.

Mr Rennie accused the FM of hiding behind clinical advice.

“Doctors may have advised her to close the children’s ward at Paisley. They did not force her to lie in an election TV debate.”

The SNP benches didn’t like that at all. Unparliamentary lingo!

“Mr Rennie, please be careful with the use of your language,” squinted the PO.

“All we have learned from that question,” hissed Ms Sturgeon, “is that Willie Rennie is a pathetic attention seeker.” Mr Rennie almost fell off his giraffe.

The SNP benches gave a prolonged round of applause.

“Inulging that level of clapping does not impress anybody,” sniffed the PO. SNP wails.

Meanwhile “lying” was a word “you have to be extremely careful about”. SNP cheers.

“Although it doesn’t help if the FM rebuts that by personal accusations.” SNP outrage.

“Please would both participants bear that in mind.” Labour and Tory sniggers.

After calm was restored, Mr Macintosh returned to sleep mode. Or so we thought.

Instead, he brewed and stewed, brooded and mooded, and returned at the end of day to give MSPs a devastatingly patronising pep talk.

He was “very disappointed”, he tutted. “My role is... allowing you to be the best you can be.”

He praised the FM for quoting Burns in her final answer to reflect the power of words.

“I would urge Mr Rennie to show the same maturity.”

Mr Rennie, who had not just let himself down, but his class down, his school down, and the whole Society of Marmoset-Faced Fifers he founded down, appeared suitably chastened.