In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes, muttered the sports editor as he mulled over the diarist's P45. Or something like that.

But to death and to taxes we can also add another of life’s staple inevitabilities; a statement coming out of Ibrox. Public allegations here, conflicts of interest there, grumblings about tickets getting slashed everywhere? Whatever the grousings and grumblings, there will be a statement to accompany those grousings and grumblings.

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This week, email in-boxes on sports desks across the land have been pinging like a testing centre for dial-controlled microwave ovens as Dave King and the SPFL play a game of statement tennis that should now come with world ranking points and a wild card into Wimbledon.

“I say this,” serves up one communique. “Well, we say that,” roars the return. “But what about this?,” comes the verbal volley. “It’s got nothing to do with that,” the response hits back. Deuce!

The diarist has never actually met Mr King but it’s got to the point where I’m now convinced he comes with his own PDF attachment which you have to click on to download a conversation with him in the form of a robust press release.

The focus of the bold Dave’s ire is related to the activities of SPFL chairman, Murdoch MacLennan. Funnily enough, all of this tit-for-tat hoopla kicked off in the week Dundee officials announced a new sponsorship deal for Dens Park with Tayside construction company Kilmac. Is that not what King wants to do to MacLennan? We await another statement ...

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The diarist was encouraged to see The Herald’s chief football writer educating his palate with a dish of guinea pig during Scotland’s stop-off in Peru.

For a man whose idea of fine dining is tossing some hand-torn basil over a Pot Noodle, this was quite the culinary crusade.

It’s onwards now to Mexico where one of the delectable delicacies is the Maguey worm. Of course, the Scottish fitba scribes have always had strong stomachs. They’re used to digesting tripe on a weekly basis in the Premiership.

Ey up. Tennis player Alexander Zverev became enamoured by the Yorkshire accent recently when radio broadcaster Jonathan Pinfield, a Tyke himself, asked the German a question in the aftermath of his second round win in the French Open.

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“I didn’t understand a word you’re saying, but it’s not important, I love it,” cooed Zverev of this new-found passion for the tongue of the Dales.

Apparently, things were lost in translation again for Pinfield in the media canteen when he asked the waiter for some gravy to pour over his lunch.

“Has’t any Bisto?,” said Pinfield. “Sorry sir, I don’t speak Spanish,” came the response.

To boldly go and all that. Russian cosmonauts pottering about and twiddling their thumbs up yonder have been testing out the official World Cup ball on the International Space Station as the build up to this month’s showpiece gathers pace.

The intrepid duo of Anton Shkaplerov and Oleg Artemyev were filmed showcasing their skills during a zero-gravity, orbital training session.

This looked all very familiar to the diarist. A few blokes aimlessly kicking a ba’ hither and thither in the unrelenting bleakness and atmospheric wasteland of the final frontier?

Why it was just like a regular game at the SuperSeal Stadium in Hamilton ...

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The good folk of the US of A have always looked on the British Isles with romantic curiosity. Oh, and a bit of stupidity too. “Scotland? Why that’s one of England’s finest cities.”

It was the turn of Wales to get the Star Spangled treatment during a kick-aboot with Mexico in Pasadena where they were billed as ‘Whales’.

Gareth Bale has been hailed as many things recently but an aquatic placental marine mammal is a new one.

Blairgowrie’s Doogie Isaacs has broken his own world record by bouncing a stone 400 feet across a lake at the Welsh Stone Skimming Championships.

It was the equivalent of covering the distance of six and a half double decker buses.

With this in mind, Doogie has apparently christened himself Evel Knievel and will now attempt to throw himself over the fountains at Caesars Palace.