IT’S a dog’s life. Well, that’s what the sports editor muttered as he caught a glimpse of the diarist licking my own, er, packed lunch. Despite his regular grumblings, he who must be obeyed actually thinks I’m the salt of the earth. That’s why he keeps me in the Herald’s cellar. Man’s best friend eh?

Talking of all things barking, Paraguayan side, Club Sporting 2 de Mayo, have added a stray dog to their ranks as they seek promotion. Untamed, hairy, occasionally petrifying? It’s akin to Rangers signing Terry Hurlock back in ye day, a man so fearsome he made a barbarian look like Jacob Rees Mogg. Tesapara the dug has become an “assistant” to Club Sporting’s head coach, Carlos Saguier, and attends training while taking up a position in the technical area during matches. Apparently, when Tesapara wags her tail, the Sporting players sense this tactical nous and switch to a 4-4-2. Which is a good job because Saguier regularly gets sent to the stands for cocking his leg against the linesman.

“Tesapara is the guardian of the club,” Saguier gushed. “She lives there. When the gates close she is fierce but by day she is friendly. She accompanies me on the pitch, in the corridors, in the office.” It sounds a bit like Craig Levein talking about Ann Budge? Over in Mexico, meanwhile, Rangers flop Pedro Caixinha is proving that every dog has its day. His Cruz Azul side are top of the league. The caravan is moving after all. Good old Pedro must feel like a dug with two whitdoyoucallthems ...

THE world is full of gobbledygook, balderdash and piffle. Sean Bratches, the commercial chief of F1, remains in pole position on the codswallop front. “In an era where technology is disintermediating the way consumers ingest content, the thesis is that sports is the last bastion of content that on a predictable basis can aggregate large audiences to be monetised,” he said in an interview this week. “Total bull****,” roared the sports editor. For once, he wasn’t talking about the diary …

IT’S high jinks down under. The players of Australian rugby league side, the Canterbury Bulldogs, are in hot water after an end-of-season knees-up known as Mad Monday. An investigation has been launched by various powers-that-be after pictures emerged of players stripping naked and vomiting in the street. It’s a good job the SFA Judicial Panel are not involved in this one ...

IN life, there’s the right way, the wrong way and the Jason Cummings way. Which is basically the wrong way but with added idiocy. Cummings was filmed this week channelling his inner Keith Moon and trashing his flat as a variety of household items went flying. Cummings actually set up his own property firm earlier this summer. On the evidence of his latest antics, it’s not quite real estate, more a helluva state ...

TO Bonnie Dundee, and all eyes are on that majestic architectural masterpiece that is rising up in the the City of Discovery. And no, it’s not the main stand at Lochee United’s Thomson Park. The all-singing, all-dancing V&A waterfront museum opens its fancy doors to the public today with the building’s architect, Kengo Kuma, describing the £80 million edifice as “the living room” of Dundee. “And where’s the toilet?,” asked one curious, chinstroking onlooker. “That will be Dens Park,” responded Kuma, as he hastily tucked a tangerine and black scarf up his semmit.

THE hills are alive with the sound of, eh, Novak. Serbian tennis ba’ batterer Novak Djokovic continues to scale the heights after knocking off back-to-back major wins in the US Open t’other weekend. Having been humbled in the last eight of the French Open, Djokovic energised himself by hiking up Mont Sainte-Victoire to take stock on a lofty peak. It’s a bit like a reflective Tartan Army standing at Mount Florida station after a sobering reversal. “I breathed in the new inspiration, new motivation,” said Djokovic of his clamber up the mount. All you breathe in on the packed Mount Florida platform, meanwhile, is Davy fra Johnstone’s boozy perspiration.