YOU have to feel a bit sorry for Brendan Rodgers, Steven Gerrard, Steve Clarke and Andy Robertson.
All four of them made headlines and history in 2018 and yet not even a second treble, an astonishing turnaround at Rangers following a mesmeric managerial appointment,
one of the best years in Kilmarnock’s history and becoming one of the world’s best left-backs came close to
the best and most memorable moments of the calendar year.
To be fair, how could they be expected to better players being injured by cows, a chairman stepping down after fighting a mascot, bendy water, the 286 statements put out by Rangers and enough whataboutery to keep us going for decades.
It’s been a roller-coaster. Ups, downs, vomit, screaming and the odd break-down, leaving people hanging in limbo.
This is what Scottish football has taught us over the last 12 months . . .
There is no Old Firm game
At least not how we knew it. Rangers cut the Celtic allocation to 750 and then Celtic reciprocated. And with that, over 100 years of tradition disappeared because at least one director at Ibrox couldn’t handle the Celtic fans celebrating so often in front of him.
INSIDE SCOOP
Kris Boyd has an in at Celtic Park. He revealed that there was a dressing-room spilt, only for Celtic to go on their longest unbeaten run in a year. Unlike when the big man is inside the opposition penalty box, his timing was really out.
Bob Malcolm and social media don’t go together
The former Rangers man, and full-time ice-cream seller, had to delete his Twitter account after commenting on the footage of a young Syrian refugee being beaten up by a much larger boy who poured water on the kid’s head. It made for appalling viewing. Or did it?
As big Boab tweeted: “Hate bullying but maybe the boy deserved what he got if this story is true. Just saying maybe there is another side to the story.”
Barry Ferguson and Malcolm are way too good a management team to be out of football and both are now at Kelty Hearts, currently third in the Lowland League.
LIONS RAMPANT
Livingston are interesting. Not only did they win promotion, they hired Kenny Miller as player/manager for about five minutes before Gary Holt came in – and they have been brilliant.
IDENTITY CRISES
Dens Park is now called the Kilmac Stadium. St Mirren play at the Simple Digital Arena. Two facts you will totally forget about around about now. What you will also have forgotten is that Hamilton Accies now play at the Hope CBD Satdium.
THE BIRDS . . .
It was an eventful year for Queen’s Park for all sorts of reasons. One of them came in July at the end of a Betfred Cup match with St Mirren.
The Spiders tweeted: “We’ve seen some strange things at Hampden but St Mirren keeper Craig Samson has just been forced to remove what looks like a dead squirrel dropped onto the pitch by a seagull. Entertainment at its best.”
The full, tragic, story was soon to emerge . . .
“We are saddened to confirm that one of our well respected pigeons passed away tonight during our Betfred Cup game against saintmirrenfc at at Hampdenpark. Our thoughts are with his flock at this sad time.”
On a similar theme, Ayr United manager Ian McCall’s post-match interview at Forfar was cut short when a seagull crashed to his death five yards from his feet.
“There’s a lot of them round about us just now and I’m not really happy about this,” said McCall, apparently with a straight face.
Never mind birds, cows are a legitimate concern . . .
Queen of the South goalkeeper Sam Henderson was hit by a runaway cow on his family farm. These things do happen.
NOT A SCOOBY
Being a football mascot is not just a case of wearing a stupid costume. Oh no. There is danger money in that game. Stranraer chairman Alex Connor was removed from his post after what could only be described as a rammy with club mascot Scooby Blue, a large dug. It all kicked off in a lounge before a game with Airdrie.
An eyewitness was reported as saying: “It kicked off totally out of the blue. Scooby was making a cup of tea when suddenly the chairman lunged at him and started wrestling with him.
“Everybody was shocked. Then the chairman started shouting for Scooby to go outside and do what he was supposed to do, encourage the fans. Everybody who saw it was stunned and embarrassed.”
CAUSING A STINK
Twitter isn’t just for under-their-maw’s-stair-dwellers to spout hatred. No, it’s also for the good things in life.
“A break in play as the Referee asks that a jobby is shovelled off the pitch.” This kept us all up to date at the Spartans-Gretna game. A fox was the culprit.
FLOOD GATES OPENED
Willow Flood became a sensation at last. He ranted into a camera after being sent off for Dundee United in the play-off against Livingston. He joined Dunfermline and left a week later for Bali United and more money. That fell through and instead of being in Thailand he was on the brew.
Hampden home
Murrayfield made a big play for the title because it’s bigger and better, but Mount Florida’s Old Lady was given a new lease of life – and Queen’s Park are going to flit next door.
THE WHISTLE BLOWER
Willie Collum is the gift that keeps on giving. He cards players for fouls only he has seen. But only against Rangers who, in a particularly brilliant statement, hinted that Collum had an agenda against them.
Which came as a surprise to the other clubs in Scotland who believed the referee had it in for them.
MAKING A STATEMENT
Whoever does write the statements had an even busier year than the last one. The best (or worst) was asking for an independent enquiry to investigate the business relationship between Dermot Desmond and Murdoch MacLennan. The overriding question being: “Who is Murdoch MacLennan?”
BACKWARDS THINKING
Amid all the fun and games, a darker side to the Scottish game has continued to rear its ugly head: the abuse of people of colour and making victims of abuse the centre of point-scoring between rival fans. Heart-attack victim Nacho Novo wasn’t even spared and as for Neil Lennon, the suggestion that he brings it on himself being mooted – and not laughed town – would make you laugh if it wasn’t so sad.
The great conspiracy
Scottish football is controlled by the SMSM (Scottish mainstream media). I read it online so it must be true. You have no idea how high this goes . . .
WRIGHT IDEA, WRONG MAN
Neil McCann likes a fight and is brave. He did want a square-go with Tommy Wright. He couldn’t win a game with Dundee but he was good value.
SKY’S THE LIMIT
Sky Sports really like Scottish football and have paid a lot of money to cover our game. That they believe Ross County is a person, Aberdeen are managed by Noel Edmonds and they don’t know the difference between Motherwell and Mother Theresa is neither here nor there.
LEVEIN IT ALL OUT THERE
And, finally, man of the year by some distance is Hearts manager Craig Levein. Nobody did more to make
2018 as full of banter than the Tynecastle boss
He fell out with Derek “d***” McInnes, Neil Lennon, had a heart attack and was back at his work within a week.
As the great man said himself after being asked whether he regretted having a go at Hibs. “Regrets? No,
it was a good laugh wasn’t it?” That
it most certainly was.
So, 2019, you have an awful lot to live up (and down) to . . .
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