The Olympic Games have changed a bit since the bold Acanthus of Sparta used to trot around the running track in the scuddy.

Back in 720 BC, the canny Acanthus was, according to fusty records, one of the first to actually perform his athletic endeavours in the nude. His sporting prowess was renowned and one particularly dominant display in a diaulos race was immortalised in a limestone frieze which depicted Acanthus winning by, ahem, a long chalk.

Here in the whiz-bang modern world, meanwhile, the unrelenting march of technology knows no bounds with the news that eSports could be a medal event at the 2024 Olympics.

For readers who still think that pooh-sticks is a relatively new sporting phenomenon, the idea of competitive computer gaming on the Olympic stage will probably blow your stovepipe hat off.

In the 1980s, of course, merely loading Daley Thompson’s Decathlon on the Commodore 64 required something of an Olympian effort.

Compared to the instant gratification of today’s consoles and gadgets, the prolonged processes and procedures of the old C64 almost had you thinking that actual game play would only come around on a four-year cycle.

Given that those in the world of squash have been trying to get the sport into the Olympics for years, the idea of computer gaming getting in before it must be gruesomely appalling.

The irony, of course, is that some kid will probably win a gold medal in 2024 playing Jonah Barrington’s Squash on the ZX Spectrum …

In the humbling game of golf, a well-spouted pearl of wisdom suggests that you should always leave your ego on the tee.

Ahead of this week’s Volvo China Open, some high-end competitor playing in the Pro-Am didn’t quite grasp that particular concept as he emerged on the first with a $75,000 set of clubs forged from gold.

The diarist is not sure how the gent played after this lavish show of golfing bravado but, in the words of Del Boy Trotter, he could have been “a 42 carat plonker.”

In a shimmering golfing career, good old Colin Montgomerie has had plenty of glasses raised to his achievements down the years.

The other day, Monty was on the Bonnie Banks to toast a new partnership with Loch Lomond Whiskies. As part of this boozy alliance, a limited edition single malt simply called ‘Colin Montgomerie’ will be released later this year.

No doubt, Monty’s tasting notes will feature such phrases as “full-bodied” and “complex”.

Some of the golf writers who have tentatively approached him after he’s three-putted the 18th to miss the cut by a shot will probably add that it has the potential to “blaw yer heid off too.”

It’s all happening in Govan. The pursuit of Steven Gerrard for the manager’s job at Rangers was as leftfield a move as asking Basil Brush to join the Ibrox board. Then again?

Gerrard is seeking “financial assurances” from the high heid yins as he mulls it over. The diarist looks forward to another laughable statement from the Rangers PR machine on that one. “Boom boom” as Basil would say …

The wheezing palaver that is the marathon remains one of the ultimate tests of physical endurance. Well that and trying to read through this diary in one sitting.

The Herald’s deputy sports editor, Gordon Stevenson, is a fit fella but even he was shocked by his London Marathon time. One hour 33 minutes stated a message on his phone. It was, mistakenly, his half-way split. Gordy finally hit the wall when he returned to the office to edit this bloomin' diary.

Show us your, er, vinyls. News reaches the diarist from the bunting-draped streets of Paisley that, in the jubilant merriment of St Mirren’s open-top bus parade aroon’ the toon last weekend to celebrate their Championship win, the DJ and PA announcer at the club’s stadium appeared in a hostelry with a league winners' medal round his neck.

Some inquisitive and perhaps inebriated locals asked how he got it and were informed that an official from the SPFL had a spare one kicking about.

So, rather than meeting the minimum number of games played over a season, the new criteria seems to be “have you played enough records to get a medal?”